News I wish I had seen

Lest there be any doubt, this is a pre-April Fools' Day post. (I try to reserve Sunday for more devotional items) It's also a post-Van Gogh's birthday post.

You read it here first (and probably won't read it anywhere else, ever):

1) Wal-Mart, Macy's, J. C. Penney, Sears, Lands' End, and other prominent makers and suppliers of women's clothing have agreed that, since a 28 inch waist is a 28 inch waist, no matter whose belt you are wearing, that they will work toward making womens' clothing sizes uniform. If you wear a 10 from Ross's, a 10 from Talbot's will fit, they say.

2) Richard Dawkins has announced that he believes that there is credible evidence for a God.

3) Taking a page from Northern Ireland, Sunnis and Shiites have come to an amicable agreement on sharing oil revenues in Iraq, and Israelis and Palestinians have agreed on a just and amicable settlement of their differences. Most people expect to see a viable democracy in Iraq, with representation from Sunnis, Shiites, and Kurds, within six months, and also expect to see an independent Palestinian state, which has full diplomatic recognition of Israel, within the same time.

4) A consortium of health insurance companies have announced that they will work with Congress and the President on a smooth transition to universal health coverage in the U. S.

5) President Bush announced that he was sorry for the time and effort spent in the "War on Terror" in Iraq, while Osama Bin Laden, the stated original motivation for the attack, has been largely ignored. The President announced that there would be a renewed search for Bin Laden. Democratic leaders Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Hilary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John Edwards made a joint statement saying that they accepted the apology, and promised to back the President in this renewed venture.

What news do you wish you had seen?

Thanks for reading.