Women of the Bible: Tamar, sister of Absalom

2 Samuel 13:1 After this, Absalom the son of David had a beautiful sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her. 2 Amnon was so troubled that he became sick because of his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; and it seemed hard to Amnon to do anything to her. 3 But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother; and Jonadab was a very subtle man. 4 He said to him, “Why, son of the king, are you so sad from day to day? Won’t you tell me?”

Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.”

5 Jonadab said to him, “Lay down on your bed, and pretend to be sick. When your father comes to see you, tell him, ‘Please let my sister Tamar come and give me bread to eat, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it, and eat it from her hand.’”

6 So Amnon lay down and faked being sick. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, “Please let my sister Tamar come, and make me a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.”

7 Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, “Go now to your brother Amnon’s house, and prepare food for him.” 8 So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house; and he was lying down. She took dough, and kneaded it, made cakes in his sight, and baked the cakes. 9 She took the pan, and poured them out before him; but he refused to eat. Amnon said, “Have all men leave me.” Then every man went out from him. 10 Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the room, that I may eat from your hand.” Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them into the room to Amnon her brother. 11 When she had brought them near to him to eat, he took hold of her, and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister!”

12 She answered him, “No, my brother, do not force me! For no such thing ought to be done in Israel. Don’t you do this folly. 13 As for me, where would I carry my shame? And as for you, you will be as one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king; for he will not withhold me from you.”

14 However he would not listen to her voice; but being stronger than she, he forced her, and lay with her. 15 Then Amnon hated her with exceedingly great hatred; for the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Arise, be gone!”

16 She said to him, “Not so, because this great wrong in sending me away is worse than the other that you did to me!”

But he would not listen to her. 17 Then he called his servant who ministered to him, and said, “Now put this woman out from me, and bolt the door after her.”

18 She had a garment of various colors on her; for the king’s daughters who were virgins dressed in such robes. Then his servant brought her out and bolted the door after her. 19 Tamar put ashes on her head, and tore her garment of various colors that was on her; and she laid her hand on her head, and went her way, crying aloud as she went. 20 Absalom her brother said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.”

So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house. 21 But when king David heard of all these things, he was very angry. 22 Absalom spoke to Amnon neither good nor bad; for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar. 23 After two full years, Absalom had sheep shearers in Baal Hazor, which is beside Ephraim: and Absalom invited all the king’s sons. 24 Absalom came to the king, and said, “See now, your servant has sheep shearers. Please let the king and his servants go with your servant.”

25 The king said to Absalom, “No, my son, let’s not all go, lest we be burdensome to you.” He pressed him; however he would not go, but blessed him.

26 Then Absalom said, “If not, please let my brother Amnon go with us.”

The king said to him, “Why should he go with you?”

27 But Absalom pressed him, and he let Amnon and all the king’s sons go with him. 28 Absalom commanded his servants, saying, “Mark now, when Amnon’s heart is merry with wine; and when I tell you, ‘Strike Amnon,’ then kill him. Don’t be afraid. Haven’t I commanded you? Be courageous, and be valiant!”

29 The servants of Absalom did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king’s sons arose, and every man got up on his mule, and fled. 30 While they were on the way, the news came to David, saying, “Absalom has slain all the king’s sons, and there is not one of them left!”

There is more to this story, almost none of it good, and there is more to the related stories of David’s dysfunctional family.

2 Samuel 14:27 tells us that Absalom had a daughter named Tamar, presumably named after Absalom’s sister:

"Three sons were born to Absalom, and one daughter, whose name was Tamar. She was a woman with a beautiful face."

The Tamar who is the subject of this post was not the same as the Tamar of Genesis. Scripture about that woman may be found here.

Women of the Bible: Tamar, daughter-in-law of Judah

Genesis 38:1 At that time, Judah went down from his brothers, and visited a certain Adullamite, whose name was Hirah. 2 There, Judah saw the daughter of a certain Canaanite man named Shua. He took her, and went in to her. 3 She conceived, and bore a son; and he named him Er. 4 She conceived again, and bore a son; and she named him Onan. 5 She yet again bore a son, and named him Shelah. He was at Chezib when she bore him. 6 Judah took a wife for Er, his firstborn, and her name was Tamar. 7 Er, Judah’s firstborn, was wicked in Yahweh’s sight. So Yahweh killed him. 8 Judah said to Onan, “Go in to your brother’s wife, and perform the duty of a husband’s brother to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.” 9 Onan knew that the offspring wouldn’t be his; and when he went in to his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground, lest he should give offspring to his brother. 10 The thing which he did was evil in Yahweh’s sight, and he killed him also. 11 Then Judah said to Tamar, his daughter-in-law, “Remain a widow in your father’s house, until Shelah, my son, is grown up;” for he said, “Lest he also die, like his brothers.” Tamar went and lived in her father’s house.

12 After many days, Shua’s daughter, the wife of Judah, died. Judah was comforted, and went up to his sheep shearers to Timnah, he and his friend Hirah, the Adullamite. 13 Tamar was told, “Behold, your father-in-law is going up to Timnah to shear his sheep.” 14 She took off the garments of her widowhood, and covered herself with her veil, and wrapped herself, and sat in the gate of Enaim, which is on the way to Timnah; for she saw that Shelah was grown up, and she wasn’t given to him as a wife. 15 When Judah saw her, he thought that she was a prostitute, for she had covered her face. 16 He turned to her by the way, and said, “Please come, let me come in to you,” for he didn’t know that she was his daughter-in-law.

She said, “What will you give me, that you may come in to me?

17 He said, “I will send you a young goat from the flock.” She said, “Will you give me a pledge, until you send it?” 18 He said, “What pledge will I give you?” She said, “Your signet and your cord, and your staff that is in your hand.”

He gave them to her, and came in to her, and she conceived by him. 19 She arose, and went away, and put off her veil from her, and put on the garments of her widowhood. 20 Judah sent the young goat by the hand of his friend, the Adullamite, to receive the pledge from the woman’s hand, but he didn’t find her. 21 Then he asked the men of her place, saying, “Where is the prostitute, that was at Enaim by the road?”

They said, “There has been no prostitute here.”

22 He returned to Judah, and said, “I haven’t found her; and also the men of the place said, ‘There has been no prostitute here.’” 23 Judah said, “Let her keep it, lest we be shamed. Behold, I sent this young goat, and you haven’t found her.”

24 About three months later, Judah was told, “Tamar, your daughter-in-law, has played the prostitute. Moreover, behold, she is with child by prostitution.”

Judah said, “Bring her out, and let her be burned.” 25 When she was brought out, she sent to her father-in-law, saying, “I am with child by the man who owns these.” She also said, “Please discern whose these are—the signet, and the cords, and the staff.”

26 Judah acknowledged them, and said, “She is more righteous than I, because I didn’t give her to Shelah, my son.”

He knew her again no more. 27 In the time of her travail, behold, twins were in her womb. 28 When she travailed, one put out a hand, and the midwife took and tied a scarlet thread on his hand, saying, “This came out first.” 29 As he drew back his hand, behold, his brother came out, and she said, “Why have you made a breach for yourself?” Therefore his name was called Perez. 30 Afterward his brother came out, who had the scarlet thread on his hand, and his name was called Zerah.

It is not absolutely certain, but it is likely that Tamar was part of Jacob's family when they went to Egypt, at the invitation of Joseph and the Pharaoh. 

The next post in this series is about another woman, also named Tamar.

Some have taken the position that Onan's fate shows that birth control is wrong. Others, that Onan's selfishness was wrong.

Women in the Old Testament: Tamar

In a previous post, I commented on the subordinate status of women in much of the first part of Genesis. Things changed as time went on. Sarah told Abraham to send Hagar and Ishmael away, and Abraham did so. Rebekah was given a choice--did she want to stay home, or go far away to be the wife of Isaac, a man she had never seen? It was her choice (Genesis 24). Later, perhaps at God's direction, she interfered with Isaac's plans for Esau, so that Jacob, her favorite, got the blessing, and had to leave home, which is how he found Leah and Rachel, his wives. Clearly, Rebekah was a strong woman, and one who had the chance to play a part.

The story of Tamar (Genesis 38) is, if anything, even more remarkable. She, too, was a woman who took things into her own hands, perhaps at God's direction, to right a wrong. Judah's first son, her husband, was evil, and God killed him. In those days, a surviving wife was supposed to produce an heir for her dead husband, with the help of one of his close male relatives. Onan, her husband's brother, did not do what custom required. He practiced coitus interruptus, getting pleasure out of his sister-in-law without the chance of her becoming pregnant. So God killed Onan, too. (As I understand it, Catholics use this story as one justification of their rejection of birth control methods. Some Protestants believe that Onan was killed because he was selfish, and used his sister-in-law as a sex object, not because he practiced birth control.)
Judah didn't send his third son to Tamar, blaming her falsely for the death of his first two sons. She then dressed herself as a prostitute, and placed herself on a route that Judah would travel. Judah took the bait, used her, and she became pregnant, which was her intention. This sexual activity took place without Judah recognizing the voice, or anything else, about the woman who had married his son. Judah, if not chaste, was just. When he wanted to have his daughter-in-law stoned to death for her adultery, (Even though he had, at least once, coupled with a woman not his wife--double standard) Tamar proved to him that he had been the father. He did not have her stoned. Her twin sons were born, and he accepted them as his own.

It is difficult to know for sure (previous post) but I'm guessing that Tamar was one of those who went into Egypt with Judah and Jacob, during the famine that Joseph saved his own people from. The Bible makes it clear that this strong woman was one of the ancestors of David, hence of Jesus, through one of those twins. Sarah and Rebekah were also ancestors, of course.

For links to some other posts on women in the Old Testament, see here.

Thanks for reading.